The key is to let them go. Think about it from their perspective. What do you think they’d feel if you phoned them up 100 times a day and begged them to come back? They’d either get even more fed up of you, or take you back out of weakness or pity. And that’s no good, is it?
It’s hard, but what you've got to do is:
1. Abruptly break off all contact
2. Do not stalk them
3. Enjoy yourself
Point 2 also includes asking friends for info about what that person is up to, who they’re going out with etc. But point 3 is the real key. You have to put yourself in a frame of mind where you are determined to enjoy yourself, but genuinely enjoy yourself. How can I best explain this…
I broke up with my girlfriend at university, but we still had to go to the same lectures. I was sitting with my mate Illy from Newcastle a few rows ahead of where she was sitting. Before the lecture started we always had a good laugh (he was a funny guy); but I was laughing peculiarly hard – just so she could hear and could see that I wasn't in any way hurt by the break up and was in no way sad, depressed or suicidal and was having an amazingly good time being single away from that stupid bitch (oops)… yeah right!
So you see, not that kind of bogus “I’m really enjoying myself” – it’s embarrassing, can easily be seen through and just doesn't work. What I should’ve been doing was studying, then going down to the Sugarhouse student club and having a bloody good time with my mates (and not pulling for the purpose of getting back at that silly bitch…oops there I go again).
Do the things that really interest you; the things you've always wanted to do but never got round to. Those little projects; those lost ambitions. Get the point?
Oh – one more thing – do not bore your mates with talk about what happened and what she’s doing now etc. Shut up and mind your own business – you’re boring!
What should you do if you see your ex? Well, do not go out of your way to avoid them and do not go out of your way to meet them. It depends on how you broke up. At the one extreme you say nothing and act normally; at the other extreme you'll be your normal pleasant self, say “hi” and keep any conversation brief and superficial. Don’t hang around.
The effect of the above is:
1) It can shock the other person into realizing what they’re missing
2) They will realize that you don’t need them to survive
3) When you’re content and genuinely enjoying life you become attractive to others
…which often has the effect of making the other person want to come back. Problem is, you’re having such a good time genuinely enjoying yourself, enjoying your own company and the company of others that you’re not sure you want them back any more. If taking them back presents itself as an option some time down the road, you’ll know instinctively if and when (if you haven’t already found someone else)!
